After a parent dies, tell the child the truth and let them attend the farewell

If you are thinking about suicide right now, call or text 988. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Cost

Free. The hard part is that you are hurting too and still have to talk it through with the child.

What you get

The entire population born in Denmark from 1968 to 2008 and in Sweden from 1973 to 2006 was counted. Added to this was 89.3% sampled from those born in Finland from 1987 to 2007. In all, more than 7,300,000 (730万) people. Among them, 189,094 lost a parent before age 18. The death rate from all causes combined in these children was 50% higher than in those who had not lost a parent (mortality rate ratio 1.50, 95% CI 1.43–1.58, about 1.5 times). Where the parent died of unnatural causes such as an accident or suicide it was 1.84 (1.71–2.00), about 80% higher. Where the parent died of natural causes such as illness it was 1.33 (1.24–1.41), about 30% higher. It was highest when the child's cause of death was of the same kind as the parent's. The American Academy of Pediatrics' 2016 clinical report for pediatricians says that when talking with a child who has lost a loved one, explain what happened and what it means, and correct wrong information and misunderstandings the child has picked up. The report also gives advice on how to support a child in attending the funeral and other farewell rituals.

Notes

When you talk to the child, don't make up “went on a long trip,” and put guardianship and support arrangements in writing. No direct study or guideline text was found on whether to change schools or send the child to live elsewhere. The author's view is that the fewer changes in the child's life, the better. The B is not because the numbers are weak. These are follow-up studies of whole populations in three countries, and the numbers themselves would qualify for A. It is B because there is no direct trial evidence linking the number to the practical question of how to talk to a child and whether to let them attend the farewell. The authors also note that data on the parent-child relationship and the child's lifestyle after the loss are lacking. The increase includes both inborn constitution and the long-term effects left by the loss. For naming a guardian and arranging property, see §17. For child support and schooling, see §18.

Evidence grade

B : Supported by research but without a precise number, or based on small or single studies.

Sources

1. Li J, et al. (2014). Mortality after parental death in childhood: a nationwide cohort study from three Nordic countries. PLoS Medicine. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1001679
2. Schonfeld DJ, Demaria T, Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, Disaster Preparedness Advisory Council (2016). Supporting the Grieving Child and Family. Pediatrics, 138(3), e20162147. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-2147

Translated from the Chinese original. Original book, section 29, tip 7. Content may be out of date and rules differ by place. When you actually deal with an agency, a doctor or a court, follow what local officials, doctors and lawyers tell you. Disclaimer